Sunday, June 1, 2008
4:41 PM
GAH♠
[ edited ]
YO PEOPLE! here are just some jokes i received from a friend some time ago (: hahaha. they made me laugh so you guys should too lah! :D hahah.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE . God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
TEACHER : Why are you late?
BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
BALGOBIN : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow
TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?
BALGOBIN : "K-R-o-K-o-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
BALGOBIN : "HIJKLMNO! "
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER : Balgobin, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
BALGOBIN : Me!
BALGOBIN : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
BALGOBIN : Your name on this report card.
TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with "I".
BALGOBIN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
BALGOBIN : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
BALGOBIN : "Because George still had the axe in his hand!"
BALGOBIN : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt ?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
BALGOBIN: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
TEACHER : Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
BALGOBIN : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Teacher: Balgobin, can you go to the map and point to the class where is North America?
Balgobin: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct! Now class who discovered America?
Class: Balgobin!
Teacher: What do you call someone who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested
Balgobin: A teacher!
Balgobin: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?TEACHER: Of course not.
Balgobin: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
Balgobin: I hope you didn't either.
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
Balgobin: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
Balgobin: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father foranother, how many dollars would you have?
Balgobin: One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Balgobin(sadly): You don't know my father.
Father: Balgobin, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her.
Balgobin: (to the aunt) Aunt, I'm sorry you're stupid.
Father: Your teacher says she finds it's impossible to teach you anything!Balgobin: That's why I say she's no good!
Doctor: I've "bad news" and "very bad news" for you.
Patient: Well, might be better give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you've 24 hours to live.
Patient: What?! 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be even worse then? Tell me the very bad news.
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Single women complain that all good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother, wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you! have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Bobby
Bobby knew that this! wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3 !
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room ! and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE BIKE !!!!!!
Bobby
[ hahaha. hope you guys got a laugh out of this! :]
TYNE!
You're the first and last,
my everything.
